An Ideal State of Being

This is a description of the direction that Personal Effectiveness Coaching will encourage you to take in your attitudes and emotions. Most of us are so far removed from this ideal yet I would propose that ideal is natural to most of us that reacquiring it takes practice and focus as with any change in our lives.

They are internally self-connected giving them a distinct advantage in their everyday lives. They have learned to (or have never forgotten how to) integrate the negative and positive experiences of life and use them both equally. These qualities are essential for a high quality of life at work and in our private lives.

  • They feel self-assured but are not arrogant
  • They are powerful but not forceful
  • They are soft without being weak
  • They are strong without aggression
  • They are responsible but not controlling
  • They experience life’s difficulties, negative events and setbacks as a part of their life and not as some kind of an interruption to it.
  • They have self-respect and self-awareness and know what they can and cannot do
  • They have strong views and opinions and can act with conviction without the need to defend themselves to others
  • They do not feel personally attacked by someone else’s misplaced emotions or aggression
  • They know they deserve to be treated well and are equally capable of treating others well
  • They are in touch with the seriousness of life as well as joy and happiness. They are curious and outgoing, unafraid to learn something new
  • They are creative and spontaneous; they make things happen for themselves rather than being at the mercy of other people and events
  • They are able to maintain their individuality and at the same time be part of and encourage the group
  • They have learned to take care of themselves and are not afraid of the responsibility that goes with the task
  • They are able to integrate their life experiences purposefully, regardless of whether those experiences are negative or positive

It is my experience that very few of us would truly have all of the qualities above. Those that do are seldom aware that they have this internal self-connection. It has been so natural for them for a long period of time. They’ll often be puzzled as to how others can make life so difficult for themselves.

It is my opinion that this is the potential we began our lives with. It is natural to us, yet most of us lose some of these qualities while growing up (particularly in the regimented school systems which expect us to be the same and grow at the same rate) and then spend much of our adult lives trying to reclaim them!

Coaching accelerates the regaining and practice of these qualities so essential for the effective function of large organisations and for high-quality personal lives.

The diagram below depicts a very basic form of the coaching model.

It suggests that all of our limitations come from some sort of negative judgement; it may take a little time for the truth of this to reveal itself. So the quickest and most efficient and most enjoyable way of improving our performance is to release the myriads of forms of judgement that we’ve learned along the way.

Simply said the less judgemental we are (in terms of good and bad right and wrong assessments) the more effective we are in our lives, the greater the happiness we experience. This flows directly to our leadership, coaching, mentoring, parenting and deep and rewarding relationships.

A little bit of theory